I have completely neglected this website…and in so doing that, I have neglected a part of me as a coach that was always analyzing, learning, and exploring new ways to be better.
My last post was on July 2nd where I tried to catch up a bit and explain the lack of posts before then. I’ve only posted three times since February 24th and the only thing that I can think of, that I filled my time with, was stress, worry, and doubt.
A year ago, my cross country teams were coming off of one of the most consistent runs in the NCAA. Our women’s team had won their 12th straight Heartland Conference Championship, the men had dominated the Conference with an 18-point performance, we were featured on Flotrack and NCAA-bound.
Just a few months after that, Kelsey Bruce went on to run 2:31 at the Houston Marathon and finish as the top American. That performance qualified her for the 2019 World Championships in Doha, Qatar.
Life was good and my runners were running fast.
Then, on April 6th my mother passed away. A month later my team was crushed at the Lone Star Conference Outdoor Track and Field Championships. Three weeks after the Conference Championships some of the best runners I’ve had the chance to lead were outclassed and out-coached at the NCAA Outdoor Track and Field National Championships.
It wasn’t all bad in there. We had some big performances that covered up some glaring weaknesses…school records in the 3000 meter steeplechase, 5000 meters, and some personal coaching records in the half marathon and marathon.
But there were definitely cracks forming in the foundation and as the summer carried into the fall semester, those cracks only grew larger and larger.
Those cracks came in the form of self-doubt and losing confidence. I had a conversation with another coach this summer about the year that they had experienced. Lots of injuries. Lots of doubt. Lots of second-guessing. And lots of performances that did not meet his expectations. I remember telling him, “Dude, you know what you are doing, you are good at what you are doing, and this will pass.”
But now, I’m looking back over the past six months and I’m sitting in the same boat. Lots of injuries. Lots of doubt. Lots of second-guessing. And lots of performances that did not meet my expectations. We lost the Conference Championship for the first time in 13 years and my world was turned upside down; but I can tell you now, after reflecting hard on it over the past month, that my world had turned upside down before then and that performance was just a result of it.
Inspiration comes from crazy places and often times unexpected places. My three year old son, Will, is completely obsessed with David (from the Bible). He absolutely loves the story of David and Goliath and has memorized it and is always pretending to be David. At least once a day we get together and I will be Goliath and he will be David and I say, “Israelites, who do you have to come and fight me, Goliath the Giant?”
He typically responds, “Me!” And I’ll say, “Who is me?” He says, “I am David! You come at me with sword and spear, but I come in the name of the Lord who gives me the victory!” And he then rushes at me with his sling and rock (both fake) and knocks me out and wins the battle.
You see, David was CONFIDENT. And we talk a lot, as coaches and athletes, about CONFIDENCE, but the truth is…David was FAITHFUL…and FAITHFULNESS is CONFIDENCE.
And for me, as a coach, I believe that I’m a FAITH-driven coach. I have no doubt that God has placed this pursuit on my heart and has given me the tools to be successful in this endeavor for HIM. And I also believe that just because this is what I am ‘called to do’ that it doesn’t mean that I won’t face trials, I won’t face hardships, and it doesn’t mean that it will ever be easy.
A month ago I was a coach without confidence. But today, I know that confidence is faithfulness. If I am who I believe that I am, then it’s really an easy fix, right?
For 15 years I was FAITHFUL that God would provide and that God was enough.
God didn’t change over these past six months…I did. But guess what? I am here now.
Skies spin their dance within Your breath
Time runs its race within Your hand
And my mind runs wild to comprehend
What no mind on earth could understand
Your ways are higher
Your thoughts are wilder
Love came like madness
Poured out in blood wash romance
It makes no sense but this is grace
And I know You’re with me in this place
Here now, all I know is I know that You are
Here now, still my heart, let Your voice be all I Hear now
Spirit breathe like the wind come have Your way
‘Cause I know You’re in this place
Faith makes a fool of what makes sense
But grace found my heart where logic ends
When justice called for all my debts
The friend of sinners came instead
Here now, all I know is I know that You are
Here now, still my heart, let Your voice be all I Hear now
Spirit breathe like the wind come have Your way
’Cause I know You are
Here now, heart and soul God I know that You are
Here now, fix my eyes on the things that I can’t
See now, and all I see is the glory of Your Name
’Cause I know that you are
Here now, still my heart, let Your voice be all I
Hear now, fix my eyes on the things that
I can’t See now, Spirit breathe like the wind
Come have Your way
— Here Now (Madness), Hillsong United
Phillips Running 